Super Hot Sunday

We all know Tom Brady is hot. No, it's true. It's kind of unavoidable. But he's not the only quarterback playing in the Super Bowl this weekend--football rules inconveniently dictate that the other team must put one under center as well--and thus it's not fair that Tommy Boy snags all the attention. So, as both a sports fan and voyeur of attractive gentlemen, I turn my attention to Eli Manning vs. Tom Brady to see which one has the edge in all areas. Including where those spandex pants are concerned.
Tabloid Appeal: Tom Brady has been all over the rags this year, thanks to his baby-mama drama with Bridget Moynahan and his ensuing photo-friendly relationship with Gisele. Whereas I only know from Wikipedia that Eli Manning is engaged; "Giants QB Really Digs College Sweetheart" probably won't move any magazines unless he knocks her up with some baby joy. At Tom Brady's house.
Advantage: Tom. Unless you prefer keeping your private life private, but what's the fun there?
Commercial Appeal: Eli is never in an ad without his family, including a recent Oreo ad with his ubiquitous brother, Colts QB Peyton Manning-who, of course, gets the laugh line. On the other hand, Tom has endorsed everything from the Gap to Stetson cologne (shirtless!) and presumably get fierceness tips from his supermodel girlfriend.
Advantage: Tom. Although the Oreo is a fine, fine cookie.
Physical Appeal: Less inately suave, Eli comes off like a guy at a bar who'd attempt a clumsy pick up line, blush furiously, then stare at the floor, which could be endearing. Except, you know, he wouldn't be picking up women at bar, period. Tom, however, is-technically speaking-smoking hot. (Though, according to a poll published in the Boston Globe, of all places, women think Manning will look better on HD) On the field Brady gets an assist from the Pats uniforms, whose shiny football pants in either silver or blue perfectly hug the, shall I say, athletic posterior. The Giants need to ditch their unflattering dishwater-dull gray ones, pronto.
Advantage: Tom, thanks in part to his pants. On many levels, perhaps.
Mental Fortitude: It sucks to be the lesser Manning. But let's not diminish Brady's pain. Tom has bravely endured a battery of fierce compliments, proclaimations annoiting him an all-time great, and vicious accusations that he's peerlessly brilliant and driven. It's so hard.
Advantage: Eli. Heavy expectations all around, but Eli has less to lose and everything to win.
Pedigree: Brady plays like a top draft pick, but in fact, the guy was pick #199 and never locked down a starting job in college. Whereas Eli famously went first overall to San Diego. And then there's his family.
Advantage: Eli. He's not the best-known Manning, but neither is Tom the best-known Brady. That honor goes to Marcia.
Final Verdict: Game and set to Eli; let's see if he can take the match.