Spa Treatment

After finally returning home from the holidays, I was sorting through something like ten days of stockpiled mail yesterday, when I came across a thin legal-sized envelope sent from a local spa. I'd used a gift certificate for a service there months ago, so for once I let the part of my brain screaming COUPONS! overrule the bigger part of my brain screaming COLLECTIONS! and I opted to open it rather than tear it in half and set it on fire. It was a business letter typed on formal letterhead admonishing me for not having returned to the spa for additional services.
"At the time of your service," it read snidely, "We recommended you schedule regular follow up appointments in order to maintain a high level of personal health." Having failed to make said appointments I was now, apparently, in danger of being mistaken for mold.
Wow, they seemed pretty mad at me, the spa people, pretty harsh. I reread the whole thing to make sure I didn't owe somebody some cash. But no, they were really just scolding me for neglecting my aesthetic health.
The treatment I'd gotten at the spa was a Vanilla Rose Sugar Glow body wrap. It was nice and all, kind of like being scrubbed down with a cupcake, but I'm pretty sure it didn't add anything noteworthy to my overall life span. It's not like I'm missing chemotherapy appointments or ditching my parole officer. Thanks for the tough love concern, spa, but from here on out I think I'll just so the best I can with Lever 2000 and a washcloth. If it helps you sleep at night, just tell yourself it's like methadone.
PS- Oh, and fire everyone if your marketing department immediately.