Please Don't Go My Way

I wish I had a better picture of this event, but I think the one below will suffice: Let's chat about this. Prince Charles? Looks fine. Dignified. Prince Charles-y. Nice suite, good haircut. No problem. Geri Halliwell? Well, the hair's a little poofy, but otherwise, nicely played, Ginger Spice. Especially considering you could have dragged your Union Jack mini-dress out of storage. Lionel Richie? I thought you were dead, so well done there. Which brings us to Lenny Kravitz:
Lenny, Lenny, Lenny. Lenny. I know we don't have a monarchy in the United States or anything, but Prince Charles is a dignitary of some sort, so could it really hurt you to dress appropriately? I do see you've put on your most formal Bedazzled denim jacket for the event, but would it have killed you to take off your gigantic bug's-eye sunglasses for like five minutes? Could you have possibly foregone your usual macrame wear for the event? And, I hate to ask it, but--the hat? What have you got in there? Blunts? A teapot? A very small, very quiet baby? How on earth did you get past security in that thing? Trust me when I tell you that, if you persist in wearing such ridiculous get-ups, no one is going to go your way.

Which leads me to this:
I will admit, this is a nice chest. Even though I generally can't stand Lenny, I can appreciate a six-pack when I see one. I will even date myself by telling you that I have seen him live in concert. He was the opening act for the Tom Petty Full Moon Fever Tour during my freshman year of high school. Two things stand out vividly from that experience. First, my Ma was seated three rows behind us at the amphitheatre. At the time, it was completely mortifying, but in retrospect, I really need to give her props for sitting through an undoubtedly painful three hours that she will never get back. Then my brother swiped my coveted concert T-shirt. The same T-shirt that I was supposed to wear proudly down the halls of higher learning, boldly proclaiming that was cool enough to actually go to a concert. Maybe that's why I was never cool? Can I go ahead and blame Lenny for my high school angst?
In addition to sabotaging my high school cool factor.... Lenny is wearing wings. He is wearing a gigantic man-sized tassel, some jeans, and wings. And the sunglasses that make him look faintly alien, in combination with the wings that he is wearing. Because he is, indeed, wearing wings. Scaly-looking wings.
Unless you are an angel, a bird, or a maxi-pad, you should not have wings.